Christmas Blues - My Story of how I lost someone I loved that changed my Christmases Forever.

 

Christmas Tree in Windsor's Jackson Park

Christmas Blues -

My Story of how I lost someone I loved that changed my Christmases forever.

I was wondering about Christmas get-togethers and thought long and hard about family, friends and loved ones. But I can still recall sometimes, some people might have lost their loved ones before the new year begins. And a lot of times, people do get emotional because they have no one to spend it with. 

Maybe its because their loved one held a certain kind of place in their heart to traditions that had to be broken because either they do it with their loved ones, or usually they don't have a heart or soul to want to continue. 

And for those who are lost one and are thinking back to those memories, I definitely can relate. 

My late grandfather usually sees us for Christmas every year when we drive down to see him. I remember he was always smiling and joyful and to see his eyes pop up every time I see him, it makes me happy, and want to stay there. When I said goodbye, he looked at the door and waved goodbye, hoping to see him next time. 

When he passed away in 2020, it was a very strange time because it was amidst the pandemic where we cannot touch or hold because of our own health and safety. We were coming in there with uncertainty. When he lied in bed, I remember seeing his daughters looking at him as we said our final goodbyes. 

I was outside because I could not bear to see this. Once he passed, my mother told me about his passing, and it truly broke my heart. And Christmas was not the same anymore. 

Christmas Lights in Dyker Heights, New York.

I remember the house filled with people. The smell of food (mostly catering from other restaurants or the infamous, Hawaiian Pizza from Pizza Hut), the chatter in the kitchen, opening the gifts that relatives had sent out, and enjoying each others company.

I also remember looking at my phone to a headline that read: 'George Michael, the lead singer of Wham has passed away.' And immediately, I had to tell my mom this, because she loved George Michael and I remember her face, she was in shock. 

 Sometimes, we end up in a Chinese Restaurant my cousin works at. He works as a Dishwasher, cleaning dishes and plates. Sometimes, we get to eat at the restaurant in a full on family festive dinner. It was fun! I remember my late grandfather was so happy, I could see his smile on his face. It was beaming.

I look back at those memories and see an awe when I was younger. I miss those times dearly and still think of him today. Christmas has forever changed me and now I look at brand-new memories and traditions to come. 

And hopefully, he'll always be in my heart, no matter the season. I'm thinking of him, always.